longer.blue

blake and nsfw art (but she's a lil traumatized) **this is not a callout post nor is there one about me or anything lol. this post has been in my head for a while **TLDR: messed up things happened to me so i stopped reposting nsfw for a few years but i might resume occasionally now (ONLY IF ITS TAGGED) because time really does help you heal i made a different thread a while ago in July when the payment processor stuff started talking about my experience as a nsfw artist on hostile platforms. i excluded context that wasn't relevant to the issues at the time because i didn't want extenuating, anecdotal negative circumstances to undermine the rest of my message. and honestly, i wasn't comfortable sharing anyway. it's difficult for me to be *this* open about the things i went through but i feel like i'm not being honest until i do, even after reminding myself 1,000 times i don't owe strangers any explanation(s). here's that thread if you want: https://bsky.app/profile/aerifiretruck.bsky.social/post/3lupyfxoiic2z anyway... the meat of the post... i have a lot of trauma about nsfw art specifically. i was in community spaces i shouldn'ta been before i was an adult and got tangled up with a few groomers. i was drawing whole entire sex before i hit 18, for people way older than me, before i had ever experienced any of these things. none of that work was ever posted on public platforms. because of that, when i did turn 18, due to having no other opportunities re: education/jobs i just transitioned into nsfw commissions completely. my very first commission, ever, was some furry latex hyper inflation thing. i don't judge any of that i just wanted the $80 to afford Wendy's. so what (other) bad thing(s) happened worth a notes post? well, when you draw porn people occasionally get creepy with you and presume it is YOU wanting to be flirted with. people would buy a random $15 sketch once (stressing the cheap buy-in part here) and then send me completely random, no commentary porn for weeks, months, or years after because i drew it for them. this is different from simply becoming friends with customers, which is how i have met many wonderful mutuals and followers including my now husband. if you've followed me since twitter, i made a now deleted post about having lived in a scenario for several years in my late teens and early 20's where i was so broke i would end up literally drawing nsfw for my well off roommate for dinner. like, draw a set of titties, get a plate of tendies. in the blink of an eye going from a 15 year old drawing ben 10 fanart to being 22 and basically half of everything i draw is porn to stay alive all for the same person simultaneously making inappropriate irl advances towards me.... it broke me tbh. i wouldn't even look at myself in the mirror, could barely bring myself to shower because bodies were just fuckmeat to me and i had no opt out of it. every day was spent drawing nipples this, buttcheek that. fast forward, i was able to leave that situation. in fact the nsfw art community was the source of the majority of the donations that bought groceries while i looked for unrelated work in a new career. i got married a while later, basically stopped interacting (outside of supporting mutuals from our days being coworkers on the feed) with nsfw art, and deleted / stopped reposting any of my own nsfw art. for like. two or three years maybe? it's been a while. a lot of people probably don't even know i was an nsfw artist until i mention it, but it's pretty obvious in my art style imo. it healed me a lot to have that time away from interacting w nsfw content. every time nsfw is properly tagged and i'm having a bad day, i can simply scroll past it. having my own demons only strengthens my support for nsfw artists doing it for the love of the game and usually also encouraging discussion around sex-positive conversation. they deserve our support for a better bluesky tagging system & clearer, robust artistic protection sensitive media TOS guidelines even if we don't all have a traumadump about the topic written up on a twitlonger knockoff. many of my followers today, who followed me for sfw art, are nsfw accounts supporting my work. i really need to stress that this is not a 'wow i hated my nsfw commissioners' thing. if any are reading this, i was SINCERELY happy to draw your beautiful oc's tits and bits and there's a 99% chance you were lovely to work with. i just hated the rest of my life and the way i had to keep living it. i had to get this off my chest that most of the nsfw art i ever made was actually lowkey under duress and it's taken me years of unlearning what i went through to get to the point i am at now. the payment processor stuff has really put a boot in my ass to look inward and fight my own internal prejudices that only aided in censorship efforts while i was letting my pain influence a bias. all that being said, i am opening myself back up to interacting and reposting occasional nsfw now (tagged only...im not gonna flashbang u...sfw only homies ur gonna be ok) but im gonna do so at my own comfort. with communication around nsfw content being so important right now, and this post possibily being tos breaking in a few weeks depending on bluesky's enforcement, it felt like the right time to put all these thoughts on paper. please don't give me money or anything lmao. tip an nsfw artist instead. repost my art if you like it, if you can appreciate my work in a different light after this context, if you want to show respect to someone who has been through a lot but still tries to make lemonade with life's lemons if you will. thank you for reading