longer.blue

3MAY'25 Day 10 last night i had a weird dream. i dreamt a black smoke monster was chasing me and wouldn’t leave me alone. it had this loud fucking scream and it felt like pure agony. it chased me home and up the stairs and into my balcony. it trapped me outside and i had nowhere to go. i kept calling you and pleading for you but you never answered. the scream was filled with so much despair that i couldn’t bare it anymore and decided to jump. but before i jumped i decided to try and leave a message for you and my family and friends. none of my message were going through so i could only leave a message saying “stay safe, with luv, ruru”. then i hung onto the ledge of the balcony and i was scared for a bit but thought fuck it and just let go. you know i hate heights, and i have dreams where i’m falling often but always twitch waking up when i hit the floor right. but this time it was different.. i didn’t wake up. i hit the ground and everything went black. there was nothing just quiet. i wasn’t sad anymore. the darkness was quiet and comforting. i felt like i was there for eternity until jin woke me up lol i think i’m losing it i have so many people around me, my friends are trying so hard to fill the massive hole you left behind but nothing can and nothing will i can’t believe you filled it so quickly and easily.. nevertheless, i miss you terribly come back to me i love you  goodnight