longer.blue

I can't continue being here any longer. Everything I loved about the community has gone, and every time I try to find it again I'm just met with venomous, vindictive people. This game and roleplay was all I really had going for me in the end, between that, work and sleep, I've found that I've not really got anything out of it since the roleplay community started becoming insular and clique-ish, or rampant with ERP. I hate how commodified it's all become too, these bullshit clubs that are purely there to generate real money trading with these faux-popularity contests, it's enough to make me sick. Can't blacklist or term filter the ads either, so I'm constantly reminded that the space I used to come to hide away from the world has become a shell of its former self. I've just never felt so lost in this game before, and I'm met at every turn by these vile people that want to stir up drama, dig into your past to find ways to shame you, all for their own amusement and enjoyment. I know deep down the fault is because they have nothing in their lives, much like I don't, but instead of self-inflicting their misery, they take it out on other people because they are horrible, narcissistic wetwipes that decided instead of fighting against bullying and harassment, they'd become the next culprits. These people have robbed me of my enjoyment of this game, my old friend groups, and ultimately, my will to continue. So they win. If they don't care at all then fine, but I imagine some would be happy knowing that they pushed me into a pit and now I'm deciding to give in. I'm done fighting, I'm done trying to justify my attempts at clawing back some happiness from a community that used to be inclusive and relaxing. I'm tired of the gooning, I'm tired of the drama, the gossip, the cliques. I can't do this anymore. I'm done. Good riddance to me. This time tomorrow, I'll be dead. I just can't fucking do this anymore, I'm tired of being your villain for shit I never even did. Too many times I've been the victim of gossip and rumour mongering and false accusations, and nobody even gives a shit enough to get MY side of it, to even find out what happened. They just accept that somehow I'm in the wrong. My closest fucking friend would rather be friends with someone who gaslit me, so that just goes to show how cared for I really was. So, I'm done, with this life at least. I'll hopefully have a better go of it in the next. Goodbye.