longer.blue

I don't wanna be a lewdtuber or the kind of streamer to talk about sex, dicks, ass, or anything sexual like it's part of my personality or most of it. I slowly realised that I might be a good amount of asexual but more like "I don't need it nor crave it unless my future lover needs some 'attention' ". Many of my peers & the people in my friends circle are very sexual, be it on their stream or on discord. Hell, the goblin community I kind of come from is hella sexual. Thing is... this kinda started to disgust me how much there is SEX everywhere around me, constantly. This is one of the main reason I decided to stop being a goblin & finally decided to embrace my desire to be more, because I could no longer discern "being a goblin" & "being lewd 24/7". I sometime make slightly sexual jokes but I don't want to be sexual or lewd. I am a big Romantic (and a helpless on at it) that value love in its purest form, I love through liking the person's personality & interest rather than physically (tho' I DO have standards). Worst part I think is, being a trans person & thus having many acquaintences trans ( and other people from the LGBTQ+ community) I came to realise how many of the people around me being trans are VERY sexual and seem to always, if not at least everytime I interact with them, talk about sexual stuff (sexual, not gender stuff), which makes me feel like the odd one out in there. What I basically want to get to is I don't wanna be lewd outside of some jokes I could make on stream (and they're usually light), I don't wanna be sexual, I don't want people to sexualise me or be sexual in my chat. I'd like to reduce how much sexual stuff I encounter in my daily life & wish less people around me would seem all they talk about is sexual stuff... I'm not blaming anyone, I am just very tired like an old lady that got enough of seeing or hearing the same stuff over the years and I feel like I can't escape this whole thing because, after all, the circle & people around me are the ones that lifted me to where I am now and it almost makes me feel like it's not something I'll be able to really decrease or escape from. All my love & affection to those who helped me get where I am, many of which are what I define "sexual", I'd never stop mentionning them for their help and for allowing me to be who I am on Stream. I again, am just very tired of this over-sexualisation happening all around me making it feel like a fae forest I could never escape from for it seems to never end, maybe even getting bigger & wider... Love you all, my streams are still 18+ but are not a lewd place. We just make some jokes like the men/women/"everything in between and outside" of culture we are because it's a bit funny. But to make things clear, I ain't blaming or complaining that people are the way they are. Be yourself, that's all I wish for everyone, and if that means being lewd, well, be lewd ! I am just an old lady in a young body with a VERY low libido that is tired and prefer wholesomeness infinitively more in this world.