longer.blue

12MAY'25 DAY 19 i was going through our pictures to comfort myself and then i realized..you lied even at the bitter end..you've known him for months. you went to the concert in vienna w him and patzi...what else was a lie? i cant deal with this. i want to die. my only comfort, our memories of the person you were, has been poisoned. i have nothing now. i have to sit here and wonder what else was a lie.. question every little thing. and youre not there to help me or comfort me. you would rather throw me away and runaway than be truthful w me and yourself.. idk how you comfort yourself about running away like this..do you tell yourself its just you looking out for yourself? that you are valid for feeling like this? i dont care about the fucking break up., i dont care about you wanting to be wtih someone else. you doing this to me after the break up, throwing me away and running away instead of facing the truth is unbelievable laura. all i wanted was for you to sit there, talk to me and tell me the truth so i could have some peace but you dont have it in you to face me. you dont care about me at all..you would rather leave me then further torture me. leaving me is completely fair and i will never say a bad word about that but everything else? you are choosing to do this to me. nothing is forcing you to. you are actively making me suffer more than i have to. just kill me please. jsut fucking end me. i cant suffer like this. i cant handle this. i cant live like this. i want to die. i want to fucking die. i want it all to end. every waking moment is fucking pain and misery. everyday was been worse than the last. everynight i pray that i go to sleep, dream a nice dream about you and dont wake up. i want to hate you so bad, i want to be angry, i want to want to ruin your life like you ruined mine.. but i cant. you are still my fucking soul mate. i would still welcome you with open arms after everything.. i will die for you. i want to fucking die.