longer.blue

(cw: topics on death and suicide) Hey everyone, I want to apologise for the lack of consistent updates in terms of producing art and news. I have been struggling a lot with my mental health over the past couple of weeks, where it's gotten to a point it's impacting how I view particular things including the hobbies I enjoy and my overall outlook on life. I was never a happy person growing up and since I have recently become 25 years old, I've gotten more depressed than ever especially coming as someone with such a rough background based on circumstances that were well beyond my control. This year, it will almost be a full decade since the passing of my mum coming around Christmas time, the period where I've stopped being happy and when I'm always at my lowest point because of PTSD. Alongside horrible memories of living with people who constantly belittled me, I have since became more infuriated with how things have been going. I've had little trust in people, and usually I've always felt so incompetent because of these thoughts just telling me how useless of a person I am. I even had some seriously dark thoughts concerning suicide which, while I never act on them, were enough to put me in such an awful mood. I feel constantly lost in what ever I can or could do. I am nothing but a broken, massive wreck of a person to the point I'm constantly living in fear over what may happen next. I just feel so ashamed in existing...