longer.blue

It is incredibly destructive to have an inaccurate or inflated view of yourself. You need to know exactly who you are, what you offer, and where you currently stand. Otherwise, you will pursue people who do not want you, reject people who genuinely fit you, and blame the world when reality refuses to validate your self-image. People have confused self-esteem with value. Self-esteem means loving yourself. Your value as a partner is what you bring to another person’s life. Those are not the same thing. You can love yourself completely while recognizing that you are not yet attractive, disciplined, emotionally stable, socially capable, successful, loyal, or mature enough to attract the kind of partner you want. Love yourself—but do not lie to yourself. You are not entitled to someone merely because you believe you deserve them. They are evaluating what you offer, just as you are evaluating what they offer. Your results are feedback. If the people you want consistently do not want you, you can rage at reality—or you can become more valuable. Accurate self-perception is not low self-esteem. It is the foundation of growth. Know your level. Find someone who fits your level. Then keep improving until you can genuinely attract and sustain the relationship you want. Self-love without self-awareness becomes delusion. Love yourself enough to face the truth.