longer.blue

"The Anchor in the Roots" For about a year, an I have felt an indigenous ancestor has been visiting the back of my mind during ritual or during deep silence, but recently over the past few weeks, I have felt a strong pull toward the past, a deeper connection to this ancestor. She wasn't a direct lineage grandmother, but perhaps an ancestral aunt, a sibling of a direct ancestor living here on this continent. I'm not sure of the exact dates, but something tells me she walked this land in the somewhere between the 1300s and 1500s. I know her spirit as Aiyana, though her name in her lifetime was Makatakwe. Roughly translated, it means "She Who Burns Winter", however don't ask me how to pronounce it, as it's in a native tongue I do not speak nor know, and isn't as it looks written here in English (Latin) letters. She represents a well-guarded ritual known to some tribes, a ritual and history that was lost to time with the colonization of the Americas and lost knowledge and histories through this invasion. In her life, she held a position as a tribal shaman or medicine woman, who through ritual before her birth, set her on a fated pre-destined path, and in acceptance and devotion to this, achieved a total union with a wolf spirit & permanent change. Unlike most western/modern stories of monsters, in Aiyana's case what today we would call a werewolf, living in isolation, Aiyana did not turn to the shadows. She did not lose her humanity completely; instead, the two natures were woven together, intellect/human and instinct/beast. While I myself have therian memories, echoes of a past, or perhaps a spiritual reality or eventuality.. whatever it is, of being just like Aiyana. But unlike Aiyana, I was forced to isolate, however, Aiyana existed during a time and place where she was accepted. She was not driven away as a monster, demon, or worse, hunted down and killed. It is through my own experiences, my blood ancestry, and these shared memories that I feel she reached out to me. She is the mirror of what has been. To her people, she was known as the "Upright Shadow" a matriarchal figure and spirit warrior. The tribe would paint her body for ceremony, comb and braid her mane, and decorate her fur with meaningful tokens. They treated her with reverence, leaving her offerings, custom tools, and meaningful items, keeping her tied to the tribe and community rather than forcing her to flee into the wild alone and lose that connection to her tribe (and humanity). This acceptance, however, was not immediate. I felt her memories of how at first, the tribe was wary of the ritualistic change. But it was through action that she earned trust, eventually to the point of being deified by some. Her role shifted from shaman to warrior. In times of great need, the tribe would call upon her. During conflicts with hostile invading tribes or perhaps even the first encroachments of early settlers, her presence alone would shift the tide. The sheer deadliness of the "Upright Shadow" was often enough to end conflict before it began. She also assisted with preparations against the winter. When harvests were bad or simply, during ceremonial hunts, she would herd game, elk and deer that humans could not reach or catch on foot, driving whole herds toward the awaiting tribal hunters to ensure the people could stock up for the long cold. Through these acts, she became invaluable. They treated her with reverence, painting her body for ceremony, braiding her mane with meaningful tokens, and leaving her offerings. They treated her as kin in spite of her change into a beast, anchoring her to the community rather than forcing her to flee into the wild. -- "The Anchor in the Roots" This painting is a visualization of that existence. It captures a private moment in her life, away from the ongoings of her tribe.. It brings us underground, into the claustrophobic safety of her den. This space was not just found; it was carved. Over months or years of occupation, Aiyana’s massive frame and restless energy reshaped the earth to fit her. It is a space that smells of dry leaves, moss, musk, and deep earth. The image removes the armor of her public persona. Aiyana is a titan, standing seven feet tall (if they were to stand upright on two legs) and weighing 350 pounds, but here she is curled tightly, a mountain of muscle brought low in sleep. Nestled into the curve of her torso is a timber wolf. He is a natural wolf. Compared to her anatomy, he looks almost impossibly small to have claimed her. Yet, he is the most powerful creature in her world. He is her Anchor to her wild natural existence. In the story of her life, her existence was a constant balance between human consciousness and the overwhelming "wolf fire" of her (werewolf) instincts. When the fever of the wild threatened to burn her mind, or when human thoughts became too heavy to bear, it was this smaller, silent wolf who grounded her. His scent, his heartbeat, and his physical presence reminded her primal side where it belonged and helped clear her mind. This piece isn't just about a monster in a cave. It’s about a woman who was embraced by her tribe, but who still needed a sanctuary where she could simply close her eyes and live true to her spirit and nature. It is here, beneath the roots of a tree, is the forest which the matriarch is home.