longer.blue

If you couldn't tell already, I am not doing well. It's hard for me to figure out what exactly is wrong with me but over the past few days I have been in a series of irritable moods to the point it got the better of me and it caused a serious impact towards my mental health. In my mindset have came to the conclusion and have realised just how fucking crap my life is compared to other people I know just having been gaslit, and belittled, and especially mentally unstable so many times to the point it left me to believe I am a huge fucking idiot. I am so fucking fed up of putting on a mask and acting all "cutesy" or whatever else so right now I'm just going to admit I am a really cynical person as a result of going under really shitty circumstances. I swear my life and wellbeing has declined ever since my mum died when I was in my teens. My horrible stepdad and his bitch of a fiance ruined me and make me feel incompetent as a human being just because I'm autistic, and even if he's gone for good I'm still fucking angry at him and that bitch for destroying my confidence. These days I feel scared enough to speak up or whatever else simply because I have that stupid fucking mindset of "not upsetting others". My suppressed emotions have ruined me as a person and all my anger has been bottled to the point of destroying my insides. I am fucking through. I don't care if I upset people or whatever. I am done with this shit and I hope you understand why I'm never a happy person.