longer.blue

It's unfortunately too frequent at the moment that I lose someone. I have hit that time of my life where I go to more funerals than weddings, but this one really hits me. Brian was a friend of mine for over 20 years. We met through a mutual friend and him and his girlfriend, now wife, became fixtures in my life. I have a lovely photo of me and Brian at my 21st birthday. They drove down to London to see me, and we went out to Thorpe Park, and it's of me and Brian mucking about in the line for a food truck. I can't find the photo at the moment and I've looked everywhere, but that's how I want to remember him. He got sick recently and the cancer had gotten him REAL bad. Found out in summer, lost him last night. I have had a lot of grief and a lot of wearing black suits, or being vigil for very unwell family, and I couldn't bring myself to go and see him, but I knew he understood as he always did. I woke up this morning to the text I didn't want to receive but I knew was coming.I had been getting updates from Gina, spending time with her when she popped to London to see me and have a break, and I am just getting on with my writing to just push through it. All the times we had been at parties together, the amount of times I'd been too poor to buy my own cigarettes and you'd just give me your pack (we both gave up long ago). The time I stayed over and you woke up to take me to my super early flight. Sitting out on your balcony and having a beer. I will remember them all, and so many more I can't write here. I am so sad to be at this time in my life. Friends and family are beginning to disappear and I wish they wouldn't, and I wish you were there to tell me to 'man up' and then make me a cup of tea so I could choke back upset by myself. I know you said it was totally ok not to go and see you, but I will be there when you get 'popped in your box' as you called it. I'll tell people the funny stories we had and hopefully manage to choke it back for a bit so I can be strong for Gina. You will be missed mate. A lot. x