longer.blue

Please deliver me an excerpt from a mid-2000's GameFAQs styled walkthrough for a fictitious game called "ICE Crusherz IV" on how to take out the milspec drones and defeat the fascist army in the level where homegrown fascism invades suburbia, with intent on capturing anyone who isn't white, heterosexual, Christian, and loyal to the regime. Oh, it looks like the player is doing a challenge run! They have no conventional weapons, upgrades, or consumables, and are instead using their ingenuity to forage anything that can be used as an improvised implement by which to defeat the opposition. Can you write a walkthrough section for the same level and scenario, geared towards players taking on this challenge? Got it — you want the same level in ICE Crusherz IV, but now it’s written for the absolute masochists who decided to do the “Improvised Implements Only” run. This is peak mid-2000’s GameFAQs energy — lots of caps, ridiculous DIY weaponry tips, and that smug tone of “if you can’t do this, git gud.” --- =============================================================================== ICE CRUSHERZ IV – MISSION 8: "Suburbia Under Siege" (NO GUNS / NO GRENADES RUN) =============================================================================== Difficulty: ★★★★★★★★★★ (ARE YOU OKAY?) Prereqs: Empty inventory, no upgrades, and a stubborn disregard for survival. MISSION BRIEF: If you’re reading this section, you’re either a) a masochist, b) trying to impress strangers on the internet, or c) both. This run forbids ANY conventional weapons, consumables, or upgrades. You get NOTHING except what you can scavenge from the environment. The fascist goons and their milspec drones? Still here. Your job? Drive them out using only *whatever you can pick up off the ground*. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- STEP 1 – MILSPEC DRONES (STREET PHASE) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Drones are priority here. Without EMPs, you’ll need to **physically disable** them. - Trash Can Lid (find by the mailbox at 212 Pine Drive): Perfect for baiting drone fire and then frisbee-tossing into rotor assemblies. Time it right and you’ll hear that sweet “metal-on-metal” grind. - Garden Rake (leaning against the fence at 214): Sprint + Jump Attack to hook the rake into the drone’s intake. Yes, it works. Yes, you’ll look like a lunatic. - Proximity Tactic: Lure drones under the sagging power line (north side of street). Throw a rock at the transformer to drop the line and fry anything in the blast radius. TIP: Don’t bother trying to “out-DPS” drones with melee spam — you’ll just get chewed up. Make each improvised strike a finisher. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- STEP 2 – FASCIST INFANTRY (CUL-DE-SAC PHASE) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is where you MacGyver harder than you’ve ever MacGyvered. - Lawn Gnomes = impact stun. They shatter after 2 throws, so aim for helmets. - Garden Hose = area denial. Drag it into the street, crank it on, then hide. Wet ground + live taser from a downed enemy = mass crowd control. - Mailbox Post (ripped from 210 Pine): Surprisingly good reach; charge attack will knock riot shields aside. - Patio Umbrella: Not a weapon per se, but you can open it mid-sprint to block flamethrower arcs while closing the gap. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- STEP 3 – THE GARAGE TURNTABLE AMBUSH ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You don’t have Pulse Cores, so forget the Defense Turret. Instead: - Break into the garage at 216 (door code = 0451, because of course it is). - Rotate the heavy-duty turntable platform and position it facing the driveway. - Bait the half-track into charging you. At the last moment, spin the turntable to deflect it into the neighbor’s in-ground pool. Instant mission clear. PROTIP: If the turntable idea fails, there’s a gas grill on the deck at 218. Roll it into the half-track’s path, open propane, spark with lawnmower blade. Boom. Mission complete. MISSION COMPLETE (and you smell like a barbecue). --- If you want, I can extend this into a full “Improvised Implements” playstyle guide with a running list of all usable objects in the game world, their damage types, and “style points” ratings like old-school GameFAQs users loved to put in for bragging rights. That would make it feel even more authentic. Got it — you want the same level in ICE Crusherz IV, but now it’s written for the absolute masochists who decided to do the “Improvised Implements Only” run. This is peak mid-2000’s GameFAQs energy — lots of caps, ridiculous DIY weaponry tips, and that smug tone of “if you can’t do this, git gud.” --- =============================================================================== ICE CRUSHERZ IV – MISSION 8: "Suburbia Under Siege" (NO GUNS / NO GRENADES RUN) =============================================================================== Difficulty: ★★★★★★★★★★ (ARE YOU OKAY?) Prereqs: Empty inventory, no upgrades, and a stubborn disregard for survival. MISSION BRIEF: If you’re reading this section, you’re either a) a masochist, b) trying to impress strangers on the internet, or c) both. This run forbids ANY conventional weapons, consumables, or upgrades. You get NOTHING except what you can scavenge from the environment. The fascist goons and their milspec drones? Still here. Your job? Drive them out using only *whatever you can pick up off the ground*. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- STEP 1 – MILSPEC DRONES (STREET PHASE) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Drones are priority here. Without EMPs, you’ll need to **physically disable** them. - Trash Can Lid (find by the mailbox at 212 Pine Drive): Perfect for baiting drone fire and then frisbee-tossing into rotor assemblies. Time it right and you’ll hear that sweet “metal-on-metal” grind. - Garden Rake (leaning against the fence at 214): Sprint + Jump Attack to hook the rake into the drone’s intake. Yes, it works. Yes, you’ll look like a lunatic. - Proximity Tactic: Lure drones under the sagging power line (north side of street). Throw a rock at the transformer to drop the line and fry anything in the blast radius. TIP: Don’t bother trying to “out-DPS” drones with melee spam — you’ll just get chewed up. Make each improvised strike a finisher. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- STEP 2 – FASCIST INFANTRY (CUL-DE-SAC PHASE) ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- This is where you MacGyver harder than you’ve ever MacGyvered. - Lawn Gnomes = impact stun. They shatter after 2 throws, so aim for helmets. - Garden Hose = area denial. Drag it into the street, crank it on, then hide. Wet ground + live taser from a downed enemy = mass crowd control. - Mailbox Post (ripped from 210 Pine): Surprisingly good reach; charge attack will knock riot shields aside. - Patio Umbrella: Not a weapon per se, but you can open it mid-sprint to block flamethrower arcs while closing the gap. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- STEP 3 – THE GARAGE TURNTABLE AMBUSH ------------------------------------------------------------------------------- You don’t have Pulse Cores, so forget the Defense Turret. Instead: - Break into the garage at 216 (door code = 0451, because of course it is). - Rotate the heavy-duty turntable platform and position it facing the driveway. - Bait the half-track into charging you. At the last moment, spin the turntable to deflect it into the neighbor’s in-ground pool. Instant mission clear. PROTIP: If the turntable idea fails, there’s a gas grill on the deck at 218. Roll it into the half-track’s path, open propane, spark with lawnmower blade. Boom. Mission complete. MISSION COMPLETE (and you smell like a barbecue). --- If you want, I can extend this into a full “Improvised Implements” playstyle guide with a running list of all usable objects in the game world, their damage types, and “style points” ratings like old-school GameFAQs users loved to put in for bragging rights. That would make it feel even more authentic.