longer.blue

Confidence and social skills can become compensation. The fact that you need to feel confident before you can relax and have fun means you still don’t feel free. The fact that you need to remember social techniques means you still don’t trust yourself. You learned how to hold eye contact. How to speak confidently. How to tell stories. How to control your body language. How to create the right energy. But why do you need any of that just to enjoy being alive with another human being? Why not relax? Why not have fun? Why not say whatever naturally comes to mind? Why not just be yourself? Social skills can help you escape your fear—but eventually, you have to let go of the social skills too. Otherwise, you’re still performing. You’re still monitoring yourself. You’re still trying to “do socializing correctly.” The highest level of social skill is forgetting that social skills exist. You’re not trying to appear confident. You’re not trying to be charismatic. You’re not calculating what to say next. You’re simply present, relaxed and having fun. You don’t need confidence to have fun. You don’t need techniques to be yourself. You don’t need to perform for anyone. Just relax. Express yourself. Enjoy the moment. That freedom is what all the confidence and social skills were supposed to lead you back to.