longer.blue

15MAY’25 happy 3 weeks of no contact. i never thought i’d say that. i wish i could be spontaneous and just end it all right now…but i can’t..i have to plan things out, i have to make sure everyone and everything is taken care of. i don’t want to leave a mess for anyone to clean up. i want this to be as clean and as painless for everyone as possible. lots to plan but i’m hoping i can be done by your and my sister’s birthday in aug 7. i’d like to be gone a few days after that. i’m worried that one day in the future you will wake up and need me and i won’t be there. i wish i could freeze myself and stay frozen until the day you need me but i can’t do that and it hurts too bad to breathe so.. i got no other choice. i’ll leave as much as i possibly can for you. i’ll compile all our pictures, memories, all my thoughts, everything i can possibly think of. so that one day if you ever have a question or anything and i’m not there, itll be easier for you. i know it’s the end for me, no matter what happens. there’s no saving me. you reach out, i’ll be happy for a second but that doesn’t change much, i’ll still end up doing it eventually, it wil just postpone it. i love you dearlu i miss you terribly nini lulu