longer.blue

first dates will be like apartment rentals now #comedy #dating #standup I grew up like a free-range hipster — no slippers, no fear, just vibes. Never gave no shits about no stranger danger. That’s right — triple negative. That’s how little I cared. Crazy people on dating apps changed me! It used to be, I’d invite someone over for a home-cooked dinner after a date or two. Now I’m like: Can I get three references from your exes, and an airtight NDA before I boil this pasta?
 In fact — from now on, I’m requiring my dates to pay a security deposit just to go on a date with me. $49.99 — nonrefundable. Like their emotional damage. That's right, I treat first dates like apartment rentals now — background check, security deposit, and I better not find emotional damage when you move out. PS: it's aimed to be a joke, but not really 🤣