longer.blue

1MAY'25 DAY 8 its been a week since we last spoke. it feels like a fucking eternity. nothings gotten better for me at all, i feel worse with every single passing day. do i still cross your mind? your memories keep haunting me..but they comfort me at the same time. i’m happy i have so many videos and clips of you, i play videos of you saying you miss me on repeat to help me fall asleep. they make me so fucking sad but i can’t help it, it helps me force myself to have dreams where you’re still there. it destroys me when i wake up but atleast i’m happy for a bit in my dreams.. remember how when i first found you how broken you were? i really despised how you would attach yourself to any guy that would give you attention, so much so that we almost talked because of it. but then we fell in love and you grew so much, you did so well, i was so fucking proud of you. but i was always scared that maybe you haven’t changed that aspect of you, maybe i’m the guy that you’re attached to now. i was always scared that if we ever broke up, you would go back to your old self. laura that doesn’t know how to be alone, laura that needs a guy to give her attention and distract her. i even talked to you about it and you said “try me ruka, break up with me and see what i do, i’ve changed”.. yet here we are..3 years of love and you replace me instantly within hours..and when i ask you to take some time for yourself and not do anything for a week or two..you block me and throw me out like i meant fucking nothing. broke all your promises you made to your 3 year love for a random guy you just fucking met..how were you more honest and loyal to him than to me? do i still cross your mind? nevertheless, even though you hurt me like this, you will always be my everything.. i would still forgive you.. i love you and miss you terribly nini lulu