longer.blue

Been a little rough. I had an appointment to remove my lipoma yesterday, but an hour before they called to rescheduled me a week later. This is normally fine, but I was told not to take any ibuprophen or drugs in that family for fiv e days before, and also told not to take my ADHD medication "just to be safe". I stopped 7 days early because I had to nurse the headaches I would get from just stopping the adderall coldy turkey. I have arthritis VERY bad in my elbows, fingers and knees (not to mention in my left wrist from damaging it in august) and ibuprophen is the best for me right now, so my bones have felt like they're going to explode. Ive been feeling..really depressed, anxious and non-functional without my adderall, i can't get too much done without it. So I havent had it in a week, now I have to wait ANOTHER week without both of them. I'm going to go insane. Tylenol doesnt really work for me at all for my joints, so basically I have to wrap a heating pad around my knees, stick my hands in there and just pray that the pain will ease enough for me to fucking fall asleep. I know its not personal, but it really fucking feels like it from the universe at this point. It's like any time I try to better myself and get my shit together and just do right by people or even just by myself, the world itself heaves with everything its got and pushes me right back down into the mud and tries to drown me in it. I can't take anymore work in good conscience with so many people still waiting. I've made a lot of progress but it's not enough, especially when its getting rammed from behind by me being disallowed from my meds.