longer.blue

[{𝘛𝘢𝘱 𝘛𝘢𝘱 𝘛𝘢𝘱}] “𝐒𝐭𝐨𝐩.” 𝒪𝓇 𝓌𝒽𝒶𝓉? 𝐻𝓂𝓂? [{My fingers tapped, index, second, middle, third, pinkie, thumb, each with a thump against the table. I could tell he was annoyed by the sound. Or maybe he was just annoyed by me. It was hard to tell with #Batman. 𝘛𝘢𝘱. 𝘛𝘢𝘱. 𝘛𝘢𝘱. 𝘛𝘢𝘱. 𝘛𝘢𝘱 𝙎𝙢𝙖𝙨𝙝.. My fingers pinned beneath Bat’s gloved hand.}] 𝒜𝓌𝓌𝓌… 𝐵𝒶𝓉𝓈 𝒾𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝒽𝑜𝓁𝒹 𝓂𝓎 𝒽𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒽𝒶𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝒹𝑜 𝓌𝒶𝓈 𝒶𝓈𝓀… [{I gave a smirk as I bounced my eyebrows at Mr. Dark and Brooding. I leaned to make faces at the two way mirror, knowing that #WonderWoman and #Superman were probably observing.}] 𝒟𝒶𝓂𝓃, 𝐼 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝓁𝒾𝓀𝑒 𝐻𝑒𝓁𝓁. 𝐻𝒶𝓋𝑒 𝐼 𝒷𝑒𝑒𝓃 𝓈𝓁𝑒𝑒𝓅𝒾𝓃𝑔? “𝐇𝐚𝐫𝐥𝐞𝐲” 𝐵𝒶𝓉𝓂𝒶𝓃. [{Bats let out a groan and shoved the table as he stood from the table. I moved just as quick, thumb back and hand wriggled free I backed into a fighting stance. This was like my nightmare except his face didn’t warp or twist into a different face. His expression hadn’t changed, well what I could see of it anyways.}] “ʙᴀᴛᴍᴀɴ. ᴛʜᴀᴛ’ꜱ ᴇɴᴏᴜɢʜ.” [{#Superman’s voice boomed and made me skip back a step to widen my stance. If he came bustin’ in, I was ready to take off running. I knew I didn’t have a chance but he at least let me think I’d get somewhere.}] “𝕃𝕖𝕥 𝕞𝕖 𝕥𝕣𝕪.” 𝓖𝓲𝓻𝓵 𝓑𝓪𝓽! “𝐁𝐚𝐭𝐠𝐢𝐫𝐥? 𝐈’𝐯𝐞 𝐠𝐨𝐭 𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐬.” "𝘚𝘶𝘳𝘦 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵? 𝘚𝘩𝘦’𝘴 𝘭𝘪𝘬𝘦 𝘢 𝘫𝘢𝘤𝘬-𝘪𝘯-𝘵𝘩𝘦-𝘣𝘰𝘹. 𝘐𝘧 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘵𝘶𝘳𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳 𝘤𝘳𝘢𝘯𝘬 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵, 𝘴𝘩𝘦’𝘭𝘭 𝘱𝘰𝘱 𝘵𝘩𝘦 𝘸𝘦𝘢𝘴𝘦𝘭 𝘰𝘯 𝘺𝘰𝘶. [{I watched the two as they spoke as if I wasn’t standing in the same room. #Batgirl stepped close to whisper something to Batman. Both looked back at me and dark and brooding left the room. #Batgirl stepped close, hands lowered and gesturing for me to drop my curled fists.}] “𝘏𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘺, 𝘫𝘶𝘴𝘵 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬... 𝘞𝘦 𝘤𝘢𝘯 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘢𝘵𝘦𝘷𝘦𝘳 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘸𝘢𝘯𝘵 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵.” 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒸𝒶𝓂𝑒 𝒾𝓃 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝑔𝒾𝓇𝓁 𝓉𝒶𝓁𝓀 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝓂𝑒? 𝒮𝓊𝓈𝓅𝒾𝒸𝒾𝑜𝓊𝓈...𝐵𝓊𝓊𝓊𝓊𝓉𝓉𝓉𝓉 𝒪𝓀𝒶𝓎. 𝒮𝑜 𝐼’𝓂 𝓉𝓇𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝒻𝒾𝑔𝓊𝓇𝑒 𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒾𝒻 𝐼 𝓈𝒽𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒷𝓁𝒶𝒸𝓀 𝓈𝓉𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓀𝓈 𝑜𝓃 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝓈𝒾𝒹𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒷𝓁𝓊𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓅𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝓈𝓉𝓇𝑒𝒶𝓀𝓈 𝑜𝓃 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝑜𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇. 𝒪𝓇 𝒷𝓁𝓊𝑒 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝓅𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝒽𝒶𝒾𝓇 𝓌𝒾𝓉𝒽 𝒶 𝓇𝑒𝒹 𝒶𝓃𝒹 𝒷𝓁𝒶𝒸𝓀 𝑜𝓊𝓉𝒻𝒾𝓉. 𝒲𝒽𝒾𝒸𝒽 𝑜𝓃𝑒 𝒹𝑜 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝒽𝒾𝓃𝓀 𝓌𝑜𝓊𝓁𝒹 𝓁𝑜𝑜𝓀 𝓂𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑜-𝓎? “𝘜𝘩𝘩…𝘐 𝘥𝘰𝘯’𝘵 𝘬𝘯𝘰𝘸...” [{Her look back at the window was obvious that she had been sent in here to get me to talk about /HIM/. I rolled my eyes and crossed my arms over my chest to comfort myself.}] 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒹𝒾𝒹𝓃’𝓉 𝒸𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝒾𝓃 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝒶 𝓁𝒾𝓉𝓉𝓁𝑒 𝒸𝒽𝒾𝓉 𝒸𝒽𝒶𝓉, 𝑔𝒾𝓇𝓁 𝓉𝒶𝓁𝓀, 𝒹𝒾𝒹 𝓎𝑜𝓊? 𝒜𝓃𝒹 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝐼 𝓉𝒽𝑜𝓊𝑔𝒽𝓉 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑜𝑒𝓈 𝓌𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝓈𝓊𝓅𝓅𝑜𝓈𝑒𝒹 𝓉𝑜 𝒷𝑒 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝓇𝓊𝓉𝒽. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝑔𝓊𝓎𝓈 𝒶𝓇𝑒 𝒿𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝒶𝓈 𝒷𝒶𝒹 𝒶𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓋𝒾𝓁𝓁𝒶𝒾𝓃𝓈 𝑒𝓋𝑒𝓃 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓃 𝓎𝑜𝓊’𝓇𝑒 𝓁𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓉𝑜 𝓋𝒾𝓁𝓁𝒶𝒾𝓃𝓈. “𝘏𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘴.. 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘳𝘪𝘨𝘩𝘵. 𝘐 𝘥𝘪𝘥𝘯’𝘵 𝘤𝘰𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘵𝘢𝘭𝘬 𝘢𝘣𝘰𝘶𝘵 𝘺𝘰𝘶𝘳 𝘩𝘢𝘪𝘳 𝘰𝘳 𝘤𝘭𝘰𝘵𝘩𝘦𝘴. 𝘐 𝘤𝘢𝘮𝘦 𝘪𝘯 𝘩𝘦𝘳𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘢𝘴𝘬 𝘩𝘰𝘸 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘥𝘰𝘪𝘯𝘨? 𝘠𝘰𝘶 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘳𝘰𝘶𝘨𝘩. 𝘏𝘢𝘷𝘦 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘢𝘣𝘭𝘦 𝘵𝘰 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱?” [{She was good. Switched it up on me but I knew this tactic. I knew this song and dance routine well. I’d crack my jokes and then they pretend to care, just to switch the topic to getting me to talk about /HIM/. I shook my head and slunk my ass right back into the chair. I slid the chair against the cement floor. I knew by the twitch of #Batgirl’s head, the screeching metal, was a bother. I was curious about if their cowls held batsonar that just made the worst of sounds amplified.}] 𝒜𝓌𝓌.. 𝒽𝑜𝓌 𝒸𝒶𝓇𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑜𝒻 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓉𝑜 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝓇𝓎 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓁𝒾𝓁’ 𝑜𝓁’ 𝓂𝑒. 𝐻𝒶𝓋𝑒𝓃’𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝒹… 𝒜𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝒹… 𝒞𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝒷𝒾𝓇𝒹 𝒾𝓈 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝑜𝓇𝒹… “𝘏𝘈𝘙𝘓𝘌𝘠!” 𝒲𝒽𝒶𝓉? 𝒪𝒽 𝓇𝒾𝑔𝒽𝓉. 𝐻𝒶𝓋𝑒𝓃’𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝒹.. “𝙃𝙖𝙧𝙡𝙚𝙮𝙮..” [{The roll of her eyes and the cross of her arms over her chest, cued the annoyance I was causing. I would win this game. Get the bat pack annoyed enough, they’d eventually back off. I let a grin stretch across my features as I leaned forward. I slapped my hand to the table playfully.}] 𝐿𝑒𝓉 𝓂𝑒 𝒻𝒾𝓃𝒾𝓈𝒽…. 𝐻𝒶𝓋𝑒𝓃’𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓈𝒶𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔... 𝒯𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒’𝓈 𝓃𝑜 𝓈𝓁𝑒𝑒𝓅 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓌𝒾𝒸𝓀𝑒𝒹. 𝐼𝓉’𝓈 𝓉𝓇𝓊𝑒, 𝓌𝒽𝑒𝓉𝒽𝑒𝓇 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝓉𝒶𝓇𝓉 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓎 𝑜𝓇 𝑒𝓃𝒹 𝓉𝒽𝒶𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓎. 𝒩𝑜 𝓈𝓁𝑒𝑒𝓅. ....𝒯𝒾𝓁𝓁 𝐵𝓇𝑜𝑜𝓀𝓁𝓎𝓃.. [{ I started bobbing my head to the beat of the song now running through my mind. I started to mumble and hum through the words. Bat girl snapped her fingers in front of my face to distract me from the zone I started to give my attention to.]} “𝘏𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘺! 𝘍𝘰𝘤𝘶𝘴.. 𝘭𝘰𝘰𝘬 𝘺𝘰𝘶’𝘳𝘦 𝘯𝘰𝘵..” [{Evil? Wicked? I didn’t want to hear it. I didn’t need some goodie two shoes telling me what I am. I know what I am. I know what I’ve become. I know what Gotham sees me as. Just the clown’s whore. The dumb ass sidekick that was only around to be the punching bag for the prince of crime and didn’t see a dime. My mind started to zone in on those thoughts. The memories, the words of /HIM/ echoing in my ears about how much of an idiot I am. How he didn’t need me.}] 𝒜𝓁𝓁 𝒷𝑒𝒸𝒶𝓊𝓈𝑒 𝐼 𝓁𝑒𝓉 𝓈𝑜𝓂𝑒 𝒹𝓊𝓂𝒷 𝒶𝓈𝓈 𝓂𝒶𝓃 𝒹𝓇𝑒𝓈𝓈𝑒𝒹 𝒶𝓈 𝒶 𝒸𝓁𝑜𝓌𝓃 𝓇𝓊𝒾𝓃 𝓂𝓎 𝓁𝒾𝒻𝑒.. 𝒩𝑜𝓌 𝐼’𝓂 𝓂𝑒𝓃𝓉𝒶𝓁𝓁𝓎 𝓅𝒶𝓎𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒻𝑜𝓇 𝒶𝓁𝓁 𝑜𝒻 𝓉𝒽𝑒 𝓈𝓉𝓊𝓅𝒾𝒹 𝒹𝑒𝒸𝒾𝓈𝒾𝑜𝓃𝓈 𝐼 𝓁𝑒𝓉 𝒽𝒾𝓂 𝓉𝒶𝓁𝓀 𝓂𝑒 𝒾𝓃𝓉𝑜. “𝘐𝘴 𝘵𝘩𝘢𝘵 𝘸𝘩𝘺 𝘺𝘰𝘶 𝘩𝘢𝘷𝘦𝘯’𝘵 𝘣𝘦𝘦𝘯 𝘴𝘭𝘦𝘦𝘱𝘪𝘯𝘨? 𝘉𝘦𝘤𝘢𝘶𝘴𝘦 𝘰𝘧 #𝐉𝐨𝐤𝐞𝐫?” [{The sound of his name rang through my ears like nails on a fucking chalkboard. I covered my ears as if to block the sound out. Why did they feel the need to say it? What is the obsession with him? Why do they need to talk about him at all?}] 𝒲𝒽𝓎? 𝒲𝒽𝓎 𝓂𝓊𝓈𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓈𝒶𝓎 𝒾𝓉? 𝐼 𝒹𝑜𝓃’𝓉 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓉𝑜 𝓉𝒶𝓁𝓀 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝒾𝓉. 𝐼 𝓀𝑒𝑒𝓅 𝓉𝑒𝓁𝓁𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓅𝑒𝑜𝓅𝓁𝑒, 𝓘 𝓭𝓸𝓷’𝓽 𝓯𝓾𝓬𝓴𝓲𝓷𝓰 𝔀𝓪𝓷𝓽 𝓽𝓸 𝓽𝓪𝓵𝓴 𝓪𝓫𝓸𝓾𝓽 /𝓗𝓘𝓜/ 𝓸𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓽 𝓱𝓮’𝓼 𝓭𝓸𝓷𝓮 𝓸𝓻 𝓽𝓱𝓮 𝓼𝓱𝓲𝓽 𝓘 𝓵𝓮𝓽 𝓱𝓲𝓶 𝓭𝓸 𝓽𝓸 𝓶𝓮. “𝘏𝘢𝘳𝘭𝘦𝘺…” 𝒩𝑜. 𝐼’𝓂 𝒹𝑜𝓃𝑒. 𝒴𝑜𝓊 𝒻𝓊𝒸𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒽𝑒𝒶𝓇 𝓂𝑒, 𝐵𝒶𝓉 𝒷𝓇𝒶𝓉𝓈? 𝐼’𝓂 𝓃𝑜𝓉 𝓉𝒶𝓁𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 /𝐻𝐼𝑀/! 𝐹𝓊𝒸𝓀 𝑜𝒻𝒻! 𝑀𝑒 𝒷𝑒𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒽𝑒𝓇𝑒 𝒾𝓈𝓃’𝓉 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 /𝐻𝐼𝑀/ 𝒾𝓉’𝓈 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝑀𝐸! 𝐼𝓉’𝓈 𝒶𝒷𝑜𝓊𝓉 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝒶𝓀𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝑀𝒴 𝐿𝐼𝐹𝐸 𝐵𝒜𝒞𝒦 𝒻𝓇𝑜𝓂 𝒽𝒾𝓂, 𝒷𝓊𝓉 𝓎𝑜𝓊 𝓅𝑒𝑜𝓅𝓁𝑒 𝓌𝒶𝓃𝓉 𝓂𝑒 𝓉𝑜 𝒸𝑜𝓃𝓉𝒾𝓃𝓊𝑒 𝓁𝒾𝓋𝒾𝓃𝑔 𝒾𝓃 𝒽𝒾𝓈 𝑔𝑜𝒹𝒹𝒶𝓂𝓃 𝓈𝒽𝒶𝒹𝑜𝓌! [{I jumped up from the table and moved for the door. Before I could rip it open and run #Wonderwoman had me lassoed me in and squeezed me into a tight hug? Was this a hug or a hold? When I wriggled, biting my tongue to keep from talking. #Wonderwoman’s hold tightened. Definitely not a hug. #Batgirl stepped forward as if she was debating the question she wanted to ask. The fucking truth lasso. The weapon of choice just because it can force the truth out when it was wrapped around you, and with how tight Wonder bitch had me there was no doubt that I’d be truth vomiting all over the place.}] “𝘞𝘩𝘺 𝘴𝘰 𝘢𝘯𝘨𝘳𝘺?” [{I felt my eyes burn as I glared at her. #Joker’s “𝚠𝚑𝚢 𝚜𝚘 𝚜𝚎𝚛𝚒𝚘𝚞𝚜?” line switched to me but with talks of my angriness. I was so fucking angry. Angry at myself for letting him destroy me. Angry for him haunting my dreams. Angry for the pain in my chest I still felt from the heart I didn’t believe existed. I fought to keep it back. The tighter it got the more I knew I wouldn’t be able to keep silent.}] 𝐵𝐸𝒞𝒜𝒰𝒮𝐸.. 𝐼... 𝒲𝒜𝒩𝒯.. 𝐻𝐼𝑀.. 𝒢𝒪𝒩𝐸! [{The lasso loosened as I fell to my knees to catch my breath. Clenching fist, sweat dripped, and body shaking. I couldn’t look up at any of them. I felt their eyes on me. I felt #Batgirl move close with a hand that would’ve rubbed my shoulder had I not moved to block the gesture.}] 𝐵𝑒𝒻𝑜𝓇𝑒 𝒽𝑒 𝑒𝓃𝒹𝓈 𝓂𝑒. [{I slowly raised my head and blew the strands of hair that swooped and swerved out of placement and against my forehead. I brushed a palm against my cheek to catch the trail of tears that streaked down. I cleared my throat before speaking, trying to find a voice to speak. Only a hoarse low tone of words escaped as my throat tightened in its fight against the mix of angry tears threatening to escape further}] 𝒞𝒶𝓃 𝐼 𝑔𝑜 𝓃𝑜𝓌? [{Everyone backed from me, giving me space to push to my feet. I smudged the lines of mascara from my cheeks. I was disgusted at myself for shedding any tears over /HIM/. When I came here, I told myself I was done crying over that clown. Clearly, my tear ducts didn’t get the memo. I pushed to my feet and stepped out of the interview room. I walked down to the simulator. I needed a release. I needed a safe place to live out my desire to end the man that would be out to end me if he knew where I was. I clicked the buttons to let me into the room and scrolled through the options. Today would be a game of “Whack-a-Clown” with my carnival hammer. }]