longer.blue

Hello everyone! I wanted to make a public announcement regarding the state of my mental health as this past week I was at my worst. I wanted to be more open to those I don't talk to enough, clear things up for those concerned, but most importantly do this for myself to give myself some peace of mind. On July 27th, last Sunday, I went through a number of spontaneous actions. I made a few Bluesky posts saying I was completely quitting everything I was doing related to Isaac modding, marking my past 6 years of experience as worthless and a complete waste of time, left many Discord servers I had been in for years, and refused to accept any positive comments. Nothing anyone said would reach me, and I retaliated saying how pointless it was, but it wasn't without cause. I haven't openly made this public knowledge till now, but I have a long history of mental abuse from my father. This has lead to actions many have observed on occasion, such as completely doubting my abilities to be competent at anything especially regarding coding, being a workaholic to prove my worth, being unable to relax or treat myself responsibly, and more. The most notable development from my father's influence has been instances of "shutting down", which I've only recently identified as "Dissociative identity", meaning "a mental process of disconnecting from one’s thoughts, feelings, memories or a sense of identity". They can last anywhere from just the remainder of the night to several days, where I completely disconnect myself from my emotions when they become too much to bare and I end up snowballing on instinctual spontaneous actions. I've reconnected with my emotions and felt somewhat better since then, but I'm still fairly unstable and keen on keeping to myself and not jumping right back into the swing of things right away. It'll take some time for me to recover, but even so, this is a life-long issue that I haven't exactly tackled with good progress, which I'd like to change. I'm preparing something special that I believe will help and I'll post about it when it's ready. Finally, I'd like to clarify what my position in the Isaac modding scene and my career path moving forward. - I still do heavily enjoy modding Isaac, and would like to continue doing so, but I've put too much on my shoulders out of kindness, so I'm at least taking this opportunity to take care of myself and vastly lessen my involvement and workload. I will not be releasing any new mods, and for those who've known that I've been taking commissions, that has been cancelled as well. - Past mods I've posted to the workshop and any libraries I maintain will remain available and supported, receiving hotfixes as needed, but will not receive any major updates unless someone else requests to contribute. - The Eevee: Reunited project/Eevee Mod's full version remains cancelled...until further notice. I am letting go for the sake of my sanity as the re-release of the Furtherance MOD has taken a heavy toll on my mind for its size. The only exception I'll take right now to reopening the project is if I can get at least ONE reliable, experienced coder to assist with the mod's development, but it's not something I'm counting on. Will I return to it regardless? After a long break maybe, but consider it cancelled for most intensive purposes. - Past Isaac modding, coding games sounds appropriate, but I currently have no set path in mind, no direction, no idea where to start. First and foremost I'm looking to get a job and I'll work on a possible career path from there. That's about all I have to lay down. Thank you for taking the time to read, and thank you everyone that has supported me these past 6 years.