longer.blue

-Updated April 11th- This will all still be readable after I shut my Bluesky account down tonight, but given it'll list my name as anonymous, this is Masquemare speaking. That said, on with the post. I guess we can call it an early birthday present that I learned who else I can't trust. I'm only back on Bluesky atm to address things that happened yesterday given its made the rounds somewhat, and after past experiences where I didn't speak my side right away when I should've stood up for myself immediately (talking about the mob cyberharassment ordeal) I'm doing so right now. Also just making it known that while I've deleted all the posts, I did keep receipts. Ever since a lot of things escalated in recent weeks (the people next door I spoke of before being especially problematic even if everything else wasn't a factor) it's felt like people I considered friends who previously acted accepting towards me on this site (some who even encouraged me to open up) started avoiding me when I talked about things (yet could like pictures I posted of food and other stuff with no issue), so I deleted pretty much all my posts on here (over 1600) while deciding if I was going to start over or just leave Bluesky altogether. My mood admittedly hasn't been helped by how when I did my early birthday livestream a couple days ago where I finally got to do a booster box's worth of my favorite Pokemon card set, only two friends showed up with a third person being someone that I kicked from the server for breaking rules both on my Discord and on my YouTube channel (with them acting like nothing happened). I know people have their own lives, I just wish I had a better turn out for it especially after I announced on both Discord and Bluesky that I was doing the stream. Anyways, after I did a post explaining the mass deletion a (now former) friend by the name of Garrett Powers (shenaniganizer.craves.coffee) took it upon himself to try and give unsolicited "advice" to me on the post (which btw should've been privately via DM), which was also met with someone else losing my friendship after they proceeded to like every post he threw at me as if they were taking his side in this. While parts of it could be seen as ok advice, it didn't fit my situation. Thing is, as someone who's gone through it before and refuses to lay down to it, I know gaslighting when I see it, be it intentional or not. "Your problem is you worry about interaction too much" - when I just wanted people to just be more supportive and not treat me like the plague. "Get out of your head" - which was basically the infamous "just be happy" when maybe just maybe there are ongoing things affecting me every day, one being that due to the family I live with getting up there in age and me being unable to work due to my mental conditions, I may be homeless in a few years with me putting so much into livestreaming because its my best (even if slim) chance at stopping that. Contrary to what certain people want to think, I'm doing more than than anyone knows to try and figure things out and “get out of my head”. "Sometimes people get busy or don't see posts because so much is going on lately" – which I get, but this was pretty much speaking for everyone though its been easy for me to tell who's been busy (some who have apologized for not checking in which again I get) and who has outright bailed. “It is safe to open up here, I've done it and have a few people who listen to me” - yet is critical about me opening up and reaching out while rubbing his support system in my face basically. And then after I had said “I won't say anything else” to try and walk away and end the whole discussion before it got out of hand, he didn't let it go, instead saying “I'm gonna get a lil real here” which is pretty hard to do when you're coming at someone when you don't have your facts straight. “You're playing the victim in your own story” - there is no “playing” victim when it comes to things that actually happened. Try having a group organized by another streamer mob cyberbully you with lies and rumors to the point that you lose almost everything with a lot of people you trusted taking their side without getting your end and spend years trying to rebuild your streaming community and the momentum you had back up, especially when people blacklisted you over things you never did. Go through that THEN tell me how easy the trauma from that is to overcome. “Let go of your past” - aside from past trauma being something that doesn't just go away (see above example), a lot of my depression lately once again has been from CURRENT things I can't let go of when its a persistent problem. “That's what what I learned in therapy and it helped me” - the fact that I HATE when people go the “you need therapy” route to dismiss someone having plausible reasons for being upset aside, therapy works for everyone differently and based on what is specialized PER PERSON for therapy (which I learned after he said this that he told someone else that my therapist must've been fake compared to his). This btw is also from the same guy who said on my Discord server that if he was dealing with what I was from my neighbors he would've already busted the door down and beat their asses (so someone lecturing me on how to improve my life previously talked of himself doing something that would lead to criminal charges and jail time?). At least regardless of how bad things get you don't see me wanting to hurt people. And after I called him out on the things he was saying (again I tried to walk away) he accused me of downplaying things, enjoying being stuck in my misery, and tried to say I want people to help but then don't want those who do help to help. Again, he came at me with unsolicited “advice” that pretty much translated to “you're perceiving everything wrong and need to go get therapy and stop being sad” when again I'm dealing with multiple ongoing things that I can't do ANYTHING about (not for a lack of trying) that I have every reason to be stressed over. Alongside this he said that “every time” I post or message anything it comes with a tone of sadness, but lets not talk about how often he's posted depressed stuff himself including going as far as saying that “shitting on people” in gaming lobbies would make him feel better. There's multiple times he's talked aggressively about others but says therapy has helped him? And I'm also not sad 24/7 which anyone who's watched my streams knows how much I joke, smile, and laugh even if a lot of time I'm masking how I'm feeling to prioritize cheering others up dealing with their own struggles while taking on my own. Again at least when I'm hurting I'm not talking of wanting to intentionally hurt others. I also learned that after I left Bluesky last night he did a post where he outright named me while discussing the ordeal on his profile, making it look like he was trying to explain his actions and give half asses apology yet was once again not letting the situation go when I tried to walk away from it and instead opening the door for more people to involve themselves and get info misconstrued, with him saying he didn't know if I'd see it or if I'd come back at all (when he and the person liking everything he said to me were why I shut my account down again in the first place). In this post he also once again said he hoped I “got out of my head” That people cared and he hoped I saw that someday (which I know I have people that care but it doesn't take away the pain of feeling like others I thought were friends ended up being only fair weather friends). That he was just trying to be real with me because the “gentle support” wasn't working (again I didn't ask for it and he dropped it on me not only without having an understanding on everything but when he needs to check the cracks in the glass house he's living in). And that he wasn't mad at me (as if I gave a shit if he was or not when the only person who had a right to be angry was me because HE was the one who came at ME). But yea, he made this post acting like some kind of hero who was looking out for me as if he didn't just tell me I was pretty much wrong for being depressed and stressed over things I had every reason to be upset about, all while saying in his bio that he's a “safe space for everyone”. Not to mention after this post I found out after someone told him that he pushed me kinda hard that he said "and I would do it again. Sometimes people need to hear the truth" which again what he said was based off what he wanted to call the truth based off his own bullshit assumptions without knowing the extent of things. Sometimes people need to hear the truth? Well sometimes people should mind their own god damn business when they don't KNOW the truth of what someone else is really going through. Then there's the matter of another former friend who commented on his post saying how they tried to give me “tough love” too when their way of “helping” was running their mouth in a post (which they claimed initially wasn't directed at anyone btw and again not a DM) saying that isolating myself then getting mad at people for not being around was toxic behavior when (as I told this person already) I've isolated myself at times BECAUSE of people not being around in the first place. This person also said they weren't mad either when again if anyone had a reason to be angry it was me because they weren't the one that was wronged. I'm leaving this and my profile up until tonight so it can circulate and after that I'm gone again, possibly for good, who the fuck knows? But leaving a moral to the story rogues. Before running your mouth, if your “help” or “tough love” is based off assumptions and you not having all your facts straight on what someone's going through? Things that go further than past trauma and instead very current and in one case a situation that involves a VERY terrifying likely future with what feels like no way out? Instead of giving your two cents where it isn't asked for, take it to a bank instead so that way you can generate some fucking interest. Because at least with that you'll have something to gain compared to what you lose. In this case, a friend.